I am sitting, quiet, unclear about what is coming next. Am I ever clear about that? Well, actually, no, not really. But sometimes it feels like the routine of my days will handle the next-ness of life, for a time at least. So the drab blessing of sameness sits beside me and I watch the trade-off of familiar for excitement. Common enough, I suspect. And that's how it has often gone, I say with decidedly mixed feelings.
But this is a new time for me and now it's different, now it feels a bit like each day is new, even if only in some small way. That sense of routine, of familiarity is gone, so the bumps feel bumpier. And the trade-off? Well that's not the same either - I am much more likely to notice the push and pull of events and actions without making assumptions about how they make me feel - something about staying present.
What do I make of this? I know in my head that letting go of the familiar (or seeing in a new way) invites access to a world I've seldom seen before, and at least parts of it seem new.That's a big deal - moving beyond habit, beyond familiar. I'll watch it, quiet, and see where it leads.