Sometimes it feels like my life seems to have a life of its own, that I am simply observing myself moving through my days – making decisions, accepting consequences, and defining my time on the planet. Usually I feel connected to what’s happening, just not in control. Oh, I know that it’s the illusion of control and I understand the notion of being “the observer.” All well and good.
But I increasingly notice this lack of control I have over important things in my life. A tree limb falls on my car or a joint of my finger is dislocated, and all of a sudden I’m focused on the implications of these events – be it money, work time, or comfort. Whatever else may have been on my to-do list gets bumped down a notch. Is it happening more now? Or am I just noticing it more?
Even when I can maintain equanimity, it is an on-going challenge for me to remember – and to be comfortable with – how little control I have in my life. And yet, it’s a basic reality. Life moves in unpredictable ways and my expectations don't necessarily converge with what actually happens.
Saying that helps; I feel better now.
Marco
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